So many wonderful days have passed. Charlie and I flew to Michigan on Friday to be a part of a wedding celebration of two of our best friends. Seeing all of our close and very dear friends from Michigan is always such a special treat. It's incredible that six months may pass without a hug -- but as soon as we are with one another again, it's like we pick up where we left off -- and there are lots of hugs to make up for all we missed!
By the time I got to see all of these friends at Christmas/the New Year, I had already lost nearly 30 pounds. Since then, I've lost almost another 30. Setting aside the numbers and math, I think the biggest difference I have experienced is the change in confidence. Less worried about what people think, and more interested in just enjoying myself. I put on my beautiful bridesmaid dress, a killer pair of heels, and a smile -- and hadn't felt this beautiful since my own wedding day. It was enigmatic and absolutely incredible. All of our special and wonderful friends had accepted me as I was, and as I am now, and they've all continued to be so supportive and loving.
I no longer feel trapped in the body and mind of a girl seeking acceptance and guidance. Instead, I am starting to feel like a woman with purpose. How fitting it seems to have come across this realization while several thousand feet in the air.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Report Card
Diet? Derailed. Lifestyle -- still on track...ish.
In the world in which I am currently living, sleep has been my biggest concern. Sleep is important for weight loss, among SEVERAL other things. Also, my stress level is high and I can't seem to shut my brain off long enough to get a good stretch of restless sleep. I have gotten reeeeeally good at falling asleep while sitting up. At 8:00pm. On Friday nights. I love Summer Camp, and I am in love with what I do, but I am wiped out!!
What I am trying to say is...I've lost a little bit of my punch. My zing. My go get 'em attitude toward these last stinkin' pounds. I have not and I will not admit failure because I am so close!! This last pound better surrender, but I know it won't go down with out a fight.
In good news, according to my last weight in I am 1.2 lbs away from goal. I went to the doctor last week, and for the first time ever, I was excited to get on the scale. The fat girl inside me shuddered, but I got on that device and smiled like a crazed teenage beauty queen with petroleum jelly on her teeth. According to that fancy schmancy doctor scale, I was only .2 lbs from goal. After sharing this news on facebook, and old friend of mine said, "Accounting for the weight of your clothes, you have hit your goal." I hadn't thought of it like that -- and I won't.
My scale will read the results to me. It has become something like an old friend -- reliable, inspiring, truthful, and capable of putting up with me. Each morning, when I pull it out from under my bed and place it lovingly on the white tile floor of the bathroom, something sort of zen-like happens: One deep breath. One foot. Two feet. Steady -- look down. Another deep breath. Think about results.
I've continued this same Thursday morning ritual, but I've got to be honest -- I have not been counting points or tracking activity. For the past three weeks, I've spent each weekday outside from 8:00 am to 2:30 pm, in Texas heat, walking the grounds of the Country Club with a backpack on. I swear I must sweat a gallon or two each day. The kids are served the most ridiculously kid-friendly foods from a buffet, which is where my food comes from as well. I love chicken tenders, hot dogs, mac and cheese...but those things do not love me!
I don't overindulge, and maybe that, paired with the insane amount of walking/sweating I do each day, is the reason I have managed to hover right around the same number. Not really gaining much, not really losing much, but hovering menacingly around that dream number. Scratch that -- reality number. I've maybe lost some of my excitement with the introduction of missing sleep and increased stress, but I will hit that stinkin' goal!
I've got my handy dandy vitals print out from the doctor hanging like a report card on the refrigerator. With only 1.2 lbs to go, I've got to earn that A+ I set out to achieve.
In the world in which I am currently living, sleep has been my biggest concern. Sleep is important for weight loss, among SEVERAL other things. Also, my stress level is high and I can't seem to shut my brain off long enough to get a good stretch of restless sleep. I have gotten reeeeeally good at falling asleep while sitting up. At 8:00pm. On Friday nights. I love Summer Camp, and I am in love with what I do, but I am wiped out!!
What I am trying to say is...I've lost a little bit of my punch. My zing. My go get 'em attitude toward these last stinkin' pounds. I have not and I will not admit failure because I am so close!! This last pound better surrender, but I know it won't go down with out a fight.
In good news, according to my last weight in I am 1.2 lbs away from goal. I went to the doctor last week, and for the first time ever, I was excited to get on the scale. The fat girl inside me shuddered, but I got on that device and smiled like a crazed teenage beauty queen with petroleum jelly on her teeth. According to that fancy schmancy doctor scale, I was only .2 lbs from goal. After sharing this news on facebook, and old friend of mine said, "Accounting for the weight of your clothes, you have hit your goal." I hadn't thought of it like that -- and I won't.
My scale will read the results to me. It has become something like an old friend -- reliable, inspiring, truthful, and capable of putting up with me. Each morning, when I pull it out from under my bed and place it lovingly on the white tile floor of the bathroom, something sort of zen-like happens: One deep breath. One foot. Two feet. Steady -- look down. Another deep breath. Think about results.
I've continued this same Thursday morning ritual, but I've got to be honest -- I have not been counting points or tracking activity. For the past three weeks, I've spent each weekday outside from 8:00 am to 2:30 pm, in Texas heat, walking the grounds of the Country Club with a backpack on. I swear I must sweat a gallon or two each day. The kids are served the most ridiculously kid-friendly foods from a buffet, which is where my food comes from as well. I love chicken tenders, hot dogs, mac and cheese...but those things do not love me!
I don't overindulge, and maybe that, paired with the insane amount of walking/sweating I do each day, is the reason I have managed to hover right around the same number. Not really gaining much, not really losing much, but hovering menacingly around that dream number. Scratch that -- reality number. I've maybe lost some of my excitement with the introduction of missing sleep and increased stress, but I will hit that stinkin' goal!
I've got my handy dandy vitals print out from the doctor hanging like a report card on the refrigerator. With only 1.2 lbs to go, I've got to earn that A+ I set out to achieve.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Support -- great for bras AND weight loss!
For the gals out there with a sincere appreciation for a good bra -- you know the importance of support and comfort. Think of what it feels like when you throw on an old one with stretched out elastic. Funny how that undergarment can make you feel less attractive and uncomfortable, right? Well, that's pretty much how I feel about support from loved ones in my weight loss journey.
I am so fortunate to have an outstanding support system. I chose to start this journey on my own, but I could never have achieved the success I've had without the encouragement, the kind words, and the simple reminders I have received from my loved ones.
At work one day, a member of the Country Club said, "Carlie, you look absolutely fabulous! You're husband must feel like he's got a brand new wife!" I laughed a little, thanked her for the compliment, and walked away feeling sort embarrassed...and ashamed. I got really upset with myself for waiting until AFTER the wedding to start losing weight. I was just angry about how I had completely let myself go. The idea that my husband might have ever thought me less attractive at my heaviest simply broke my heart, even though this was never the case.
As I've said before, this weight loss journey started for me. It is still for me. But I've gotta say, it's been a great experience for both of us. Charlie hasn't gotten a new wife -- he's still just got me. But he does have a more confident, more energetic, and much happier me. We both appreciate this.
Charlie is so honest, so loving, and so supportive of all of my endeavors (like learning to play the banjo, writing more poetry, etc). My mother and my in-laws are understanding and full of great advice. My friends are all of this AND they love to celebrate. How blessed am I to have all of this?
It's true...my family and friends are the Spanx of all undergarments.
I am so fortunate to have an outstanding support system. I chose to start this journey on my own, but I could never have achieved the success I've had without the encouragement, the kind words, and the simple reminders I have received from my loved ones.
At work one day, a member of the Country Club said, "Carlie, you look absolutely fabulous! You're husband must feel like he's got a brand new wife!" I laughed a little, thanked her for the compliment, and walked away feeling sort embarrassed...and ashamed. I got really upset with myself for waiting until AFTER the wedding to start losing weight. I was just angry about how I had completely let myself go. The idea that my husband might have ever thought me less attractive at my heaviest simply broke my heart, even though this was never the case.
As I've said before, this weight loss journey started for me. It is still for me. But I've gotta say, it's been a great experience for both of us. Charlie hasn't gotten a new wife -- he's still just got me. But he does have a more confident, more energetic, and much happier me. We both appreciate this.
Charlie is so honest, so loving, and so supportive of all of my endeavors (like learning to play the banjo, writing more poetry, etc). My mother and my in-laws are understanding and full of great advice. My friends are all of this AND they love to celebrate. How blessed am I to have all of this?
It's true...my family and friends are the Spanx of all undergarments.
Monday, May 14, 2012
I haven't actually disappeared...
Wow, I cannot believe the way time passes when life is just somersaulting from month to month. My wonderful mother-in-law mentioned to me over a week ago that I've been away from this blog and that she and her Weight Watchers group were wondering where the heck I'd gone off to. Well, I'm back! And I need this. Badly. Because unfortunately, I am without a whole lot of great weight-loss news.
The week before last, I was down one pound, putting me at 164. The poundage is coming off soooo muuuuuuch mooooooore slooooooooooooowly right now, but I understand it as my body letting me know that I set a realistic goal. Since that weigh-in, work has been absolutely insane. As a Youth Activities Coordinator with Summer Camp just around the corner, it's just been a little hectic. And the weekend following that one-pound loss was a bit more party-rific than it should have been. I felt entitled, like I was allowed to let loose or to wind-down. This, to some extent, is okay. But I went out of control.
And last weigh-in, I found that I gained .7 lbs right back. 4.7 lbs to go.
Sure, I was disappointed. I wasn't expecting loss, but was less than thrilled with gaining nearly a full pound back. But I certainly didn't dwell on it. This is when it's important to understand to accept what I cannot change and change what I cannot accept. I can't time travel back to that Friday night margarita and queso Mexi-fest with friends. We had a fabulous time! But my body has taught me that I can have a an insanely good time without going out of control with food and drinks. My brain has taught me that I cannot accept failing in this journey. I've made it this far and there are no excuses not to keep it up.
A great rule that I need to embrace more thoroughly is to avoid drinking calories/points. Or at least set a cap on drinkable points per day. Crystal light is my best friend...and Mio! Water is absolutely essential in losing weight.
Maybe a part of me stayed away from the blog because I didn't want to have to confront the weight gain by letting everyone know. I'm not entirely sure...but I know that I am not ashamed. There's was a serious sense of pride and joy when I lost the first 5, 10, 20 pounds. I can say I've lost over 50 now. That pride still resonates and reminds me that I am in control. We are in control. We can make the changes to things we will not accept.
The week before last, I was down one pound, putting me at 164. The poundage is coming off soooo muuuuuuch mooooooore slooooooooooooowly right now, but I understand it as my body letting me know that I set a realistic goal. Since that weigh-in, work has been absolutely insane. As a Youth Activities Coordinator with Summer Camp just around the corner, it's just been a little hectic. And the weekend following that one-pound loss was a bit more party-rific than it should have been. I felt entitled, like I was allowed to let loose or to wind-down. This, to some extent, is okay. But I went out of control.
And last weigh-in, I found that I gained .7 lbs right back. 4.7 lbs to go.
Sure, I was disappointed. I wasn't expecting loss, but was less than thrilled with gaining nearly a full pound back. But I certainly didn't dwell on it. This is when it's important to understand to accept what I cannot change and change what I cannot accept. I can't time travel back to that Friday night margarita and queso Mexi-fest with friends. We had a fabulous time! But my body has taught me that I can have a an insanely good time without going out of control with food and drinks. My brain has taught me that I cannot accept failing in this journey. I've made it this far and there are no excuses not to keep it up.
A great rule that I need to embrace more thoroughly is to avoid drinking calories/points. Or at least set a cap on drinkable points per day. Crystal light is my best friend...and Mio! Water is absolutely essential in losing weight.
Maybe a part of me stayed away from the blog because I didn't want to have to confront the weight gain by letting everyone know. I'm not entirely sure...but I know that I am not ashamed. There's was a serious sense of pride and joy when I lost the first 5, 10, 20 pounds. I can say I've lost over 50 now. That pride still resonates and reminds me that I am in control. We are in control. We can make the changes to things we will not accept.
Friday, April 20, 2012
I'm a loser, baby
So, yesterday morning would have typically been weigh-in time. However, yesterday was not a typical day. Somehow, my husband and I both neglected to set alarms. He woke up at 8:03 am and said, "Crap," to which I replied, "Wait, is it Thursday?" and we both quickly jumped out of bed, calling and emailing our jobs. Ugh...not a good feeling to be that rushed in the morning. Needless to say, weighing in was not at the top of my priority list.
When I finally did weigh myself late yesterday afternoon, I was less than thrilled with the result: 166.3. I am not disappointed or upset, just not thrilled. 0.2 lbs lost. That is still success. I still lost. Now, on to losing the final 6.3!!
Lately, the battle of the bulge has boiled down to exercise. The diet -- the lifestyle, I should say -- is swell. But the lack of exercise lately is certainly a culprit in the lack of poundage lost. And it's not only the scale that is relaying this message to me -- my dogs are also letting me know. They are also a lot happier after a good long walk, or a fun jog. If not for me, the exercise is essential for them. Motivation!
So, let's get off the couch, reach for the leashes/tennis rackets/gym bag/jump rope and get moving.
When I finally did weigh myself late yesterday afternoon, I was less than thrilled with the result: 166.3. I am not disappointed or upset, just not thrilled. 0.2 lbs lost. That is still success. I still lost. Now, on to losing the final 6.3!!
Lately, the battle of the bulge has boiled down to exercise. The diet -- the lifestyle, I should say -- is swell. But the lack of exercise lately is certainly a culprit in the lack of poundage lost. And it's not only the scale that is relaying this message to me -- my dogs are also letting me know. They are also a lot happier after a good long walk, or a fun jog. If not for me, the exercise is essential for them. Motivation!
So, let's get off the couch, reach for the leashes/tennis rackets/gym bag/jump rope and get moving.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Blame it on the Alcohol...but own it.
I've been away for a while, but I'm back!
The weigh-in last week (Thursday 4/12) didn't go as I hoped, but crossing fingers doesn't count as a weight loss trick. I didn't lose any weight, but I also didn't gain any. I stayed right at my previous weight.
One of the great things about Weight Watchers is the tracking method. It was no surprise that I hadn't lost any weight -- looking back on the week, there were a great deal of choices I made that weren't the best for me, especially when it came down to drinks.
Celebrations, like holidays, are tough times to stick to diet plans. Simply spending time with friends who have no worries about watching what they eat can also make your will crumble. Sure, I'll have a breadstick...or two...can I have more cheese on this one? Should we just get a pitcher of beer? It'll be more cost-effective. It goes on and on. And I made this mistake, and I will own it. No one made me eat a slice of pizza, and no one made me drink a beer or two. And I am not concerned with my having done this one evening, but Easter and a meal out AND a lack of exercise certainly did not lend a helping hand in getting closer to my goal. But that's on me.
I will not dwell on one unsuccessful week. Instead, it's important to learn from the choices I've made and continue to pursue my goal with the same excitement and patience that I have had since the beginning. I've let this be a lesson in self-control.
Once the introduction of alcohol (delicious, caloric, enjoyable alcohol...) has made it to the table, our will to watch what we eat becomes more dilapidated. Throughout this journey, I've continued to indulge (yes, just like brownies or fondue, alcohol is an indulgence) in the occasional glass of wine with dinner, beer with popcorn, or cocktail with friends. In doing so, it's important to tailor the rest of the day's choices and create a limit. Once you've indulged too much, you're less likely to make good food choices, but we already know this, right? It's just important to remember that the good ol' college-style run to Taco Bell after a night of drinking really isn't a great idea...and really never was (but I don't regret it! Haha).
In your weight loss journey, don't dwell on days gone "not so well". Review, learn, and move on...and don't get sloppy on cosmos. :)
The weigh-in last week (Thursday 4/12) didn't go as I hoped, but crossing fingers doesn't count as a weight loss trick. I didn't lose any weight, but I also didn't gain any. I stayed right at my previous weight.
One of the great things about Weight Watchers is the tracking method. It was no surprise that I hadn't lost any weight -- looking back on the week, there were a great deal of choices I made that weren't the best for me, especially when it came down to drinks.
Celebrations, like holidays, are tough times to stick to diet plans. Simply spending time with friends who have no worries about watching what they eat can also make your will crumble. Sure, I'll have a breadstick...or two...can I have more cheese on this one? Should we just get a pitcher of beer? It'll be more cost-effective. It goes on and on. And I made this mistake, and I will own it. No one made me eat a slice of pizza, and no one made me drink a beer or two. And I am not concerned with my having done this one evening, but Easter and a meal out AND a lack of exercise certainly did not lend a helping hand in getting closer to my goal. But that's on me.
I will not dwell on one unsuccessful week. Instead, it's important to learn from the choices I've made and continue to pursue my goal with the same excitement and patience that I have had since the beginning. I've let this be a lesson in self-control.
Once the introduction of alcohol (delicious, caloric, enjoyable alcohol...) has made it to the table, our will to watch what we eat becomes more dilapidated. Throughout this journey, I've continued to indulge (yes, just like brownies or fondue, alcohol is an indulgence) in the occasional glass of wine with dinner, beer with popcorn, or cocktail with friends. In doing so, it's important to tailor the rest of the day's choices and create a limit. Once you've indulged too much, you're less likely to make good food choices, but we already know this, right? It's just important to remember that the good ol' college-style run to Taco Bell after a night of drinking really isn't a great idea...and really never was (but I don't regret it! Haha).
In your weight loss journey, don't dwell on days gone "not so well". Review, learn, and move on...and don't get sloppy on cosmos. :)
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Thursday = Weigh-in day!
Weight Watchers has completely changed the way I approach food. I think so much more about what I eat. Not in an obsessive way, but in an educated and interested way. I simply can't say enough about how much I've learned by trying to eat foods I want by reinventing them -- or still just eating them, in a smaller quantity.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting yourself eat "junk" every once in a while. HOWEVER, the attitude that you have about food cannot be altered after having a slice of pizza or two one night! If I could go back and tell myself to stop thinking, "Well, I didn't do well last night, so might as well enjoy what I want tonight as well. I'll get back to the diet tomorrow," I might have lost all this weight forever ago!
That's the slippery slope that so many people talk about.
I can't stress the importance of knowing that having a slice of cheesecake is not a diet ruiner! But, it also won't make you feel great. Sometimes, I think I deserve a reward for my hard work, so I let myself have chips and queso. Chips and queso do not love me as much as I once loved them. But I don't obsess about it or feel like a failure because every morning, I wake up with a brand new day to make brand new decisions in.
Starting weight: 220
Last week: 168
Today: 166.5
6.5 lbs to go to hit goal weight. I am ecstatic!!!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting yourself eat "junk" every once in a while. HOWEVER, the attitude that you have about food cannot be altered after having a slice of pizza or two one night! If I could go back and tell myself to stop thinking, "Well, I didn't do well last night, so might as well enjoy what I want tonight as well. I'll get back to the diet tomorrow," I might have lost all this weight forever ago!
That's the slippery slope that so many people talk about.
I can't stress the importance of knowing that having a slice of cheesecake is not a diet ruiner! But, it also won't make you feel great. Sometimes, I think I deserve a reward for my hard work, so I let myself have chips and queso. Chips and queso do not love me as much as I once loved them. But I don't obsess about it or feel like a failure because every morning, I wake up with a brand new day to make brand new decisions in.
Starting weight: 220
Last week: 168
Today: 166.5
6.5 lbs to go to hit goal weight. I am ecstatic!!!
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